Rant On Horror: The Misfit Adventures Of Jerry Only

    Let me start off this rant by saying that I am in no way a total authority on the history of The Misfits. I have heard all of the tales, all of the rumors and all of the fan encounter stories in the universe, but I am still not going to claim that I know everything on the subject. There will always be somebody out there who will point out that I have gotten things wrong if I claim to be right. This is simply a rant about Jerry Only, a man who doesn’t know when to stop when the getting is good, or in his case not so good.

    Back in 1996 when ‘The Misfits’ reunion tour was announced I’ll admit that I was excited. I went to the local show with some trepidation but an open mind. It was only ‘okay’. I knew more of the lyrics than Graves did and the sound sucked. Okay, the sound probably wasn’t their fault but not knowing the lyrics for a band that you are fronting? I found that strange and alarming. If you are trying to replace Glenn Danzig you should know the damn lyrics, am I right? After the show I felt kind of dirty, like an infected Victorian whore. Two more times I saw that version of the band, mostly because my ex-husband wanted to see them and I was dragged along for the ride. Each time I felt dirtier and dirtier and my soul began to feel like it was being raped by the travesty that I had witnessed.

    You see, I have always loved The Misfits. The Glenn Danzig fronted Misfits. The lyrics and music on the original Misfits albums are perfect as far as I’m concerned and you cannot improve upon them. Take Walk Among Us and compare it to American Psycho. Go ahead, I’ll wait while you listen to both. Isn’t it easy to tell which one was written by an actual horror fan and which one was put together by a money grubbing  jackass?

    Didn’t Jerry only say that The Misfits were going in a negative direction and that is one of the reasons why the original band broke up? If so, then why the hell reform it? Especially after fronting a Christian ‘punk’ band called Kryst The Conqueror that he specifically formed to counter Glenn Danzig’s ‘evil’ music. I have even read that Jerry rewrote some of Kryst The Conqueror’s songs to put them on the newer Misfits albums. The only fucking reason that I can see him doing all of this is for money. Could he not afford his fake devilock clip-ons any longer or something? He actually sued Glenn Danzig to be able to use The Misfits name. Sued. His own shitty band wasn’t making enough money or waves so he had to go to court to get permission to use the name of a band that he had previously left.

    Because of Jerry Only we have to see the Fiend Skull plastered on everything from car mats to air fresheners. I mean seriously, when will it ever stop? Are there going to be Misfits themed tampons next? When I’m cramping and reaching for a tampon it would be so cool to be able to see it wrapped up in Fiend Skull paper. In fact it would brighten my day and make me forget all about my cramps! Come on Jerry, help a girl out!

    In my opinion the worst part of all of this is that he is STILL touring under the name of The Misfits. Even his own brother left the band and he’s still out there trying to make a buck. At this point maybe I should feel sorry for him, because he obviously doesn’t know what a huge joke he has become through his own actions. However I can’t because he has pretty much permanently damaged his name all on his own. If he hadn’t of ‘reformed’ The Misfits his name would have been just another entry in punk rock history. Instead, he has become quite possibly the most hated and reviled person in the history of punk.

Bloofer Lady